I know it's been a while since I last wrote, and a lot has happened. I met Danny from the MTV show, The Real World... very exciting... I got pics with him and everything. Um...Justin and I hooked up one weekend, and things were a little weird because he acted like we were still together. He ended up moving to Florida a few weeks ago. He claimed that I was going to be his "motivation" and that he was going to get a job, then come back here to "get me." He still wants to "marry me" and he wants me to be ther "mother of his kids"... he called me that day before he left and told me that he'd call the next day...he didn't, and I haven't heard from him since then. What a joke! Anyway, there's been a lot of drama back at home. I went on a date with this guy named Josh, but he used to date a girl I worked with, and she's all upset about it... it's messed up. Josh turned out to be a playa, sorta... I dunno. I can't figure him out, and I'm interested, so I guess it doesn't matter. I still don't have a boyfriend, and I still haven't met anyone in Charlotte. I did, on the other hand, me a guy named Mitch on Friday night in Anderson. My friends and I were standing in the Publix parking lot, and he just pulled up and started talking to me. We talked for a while, then he took my number. He called me later and wanted me to go to a club with him that night, but I was already over at Jolly's  house and I had to be home at 2 a.m. anyway.  I "house sat" for my parents Sat. night bc they left for Fla. Sat. morning, so needless to say, I had a little fun... Keri and I hung out bc she was home from college, as was I, so we met up and got some dinner at our usual...Ruby Tuesday. After that, we took our usual ride to Fair Play, then hit the Blvd.  I met up with Josh, Ownes, Lacey, Jolly, Adam, a whole bunch of other ppl for a while, talked to Mitch for a little bit, and then rode around after I took Keri back to her car. She was sick, so she went home early, which worked out really well bc I got to hang out with Mitch... Let me tell ya about him: He's 26, has a kid, but was never married... He's really cute, and he smells really good. We have A LOT in common, but I dunno if he's feeling the whole age difference thing... it's too soon to tell. Get this... he lives on THE SAME ROAD that Justin lived on! How crazy is that??  Anyway, we ended up meeting at about 1 am at Ingles. I followed him to his house and we made us a few drinks. We ended up watching some movie, but we didn't even pay attention to it because we talked the ENTIRE time. His house is really nice too... nice and clean, which is surprising for a guy, and really homey... I felt comfortable there.  It's awesome... he wears my *favorite* cologne...Very Sexy from Victoria's Secret. I love that shit!! Anyway, we talked, drank, and just hung out all morning. We kissed a little ;-) and I ended up spending the night. Don't worry... I was good. We didn't have sex, but I did fall asleep on him. He was laying at the end of the couch, and I was lying in between his legs, resting my head on his stomache. He played with my hair and was rubbing my head, and the next thing I knew, I was out. We didn't end up falling asleep until 6 AM, and I woke up at 8:30 and left... I had to go let my dog out and feed my cats... I talked to him a little today thru text, but that's it. Things SEEM like things could go somewhere, but I won't be able to see him for like 2 weeks bc it's family weekend here at school, and my parents are coming up, so I won't be able to go home. The next weekend is my birthday weekend, so I'm kinda looking forward to that, but not really...  I'll be able to go home tho... I have bad luck. I've already figured that things won't work out, but all I can do is wait it out and see. Some chik kept calling his phone when we were together, and I know it's not his gf, but still... I just dont know. But anyway, I'm going to bed. I have a killer headache. Ill try to wb soon!  *Peace*

   Well, today is the last day of classes for the week, and I don't know if I want  to go home or stay here. A part of me wants to go home, but the other part is telling me to stay. I think I'm gonna stay. I'm going to help out with Charlotte Shout today with Ellie and Justine (we get extra credit points!), and we are also going to watch a thing about wedding cake decorating. It should be really cool. I think we are going to go to the Bar tonight, but I don't know. I don't think Ellie wants to go, but we may just go without her or do something else.
   Still no word from Kev. I talked to him for like 5 min. a few days ago, but not since then. I think the whole "what do u think of me" thing wigged him out, but I made it perfectly clear that I wasn't asking him to commit or ANYTHING like that...boys are dumb.   Speaking of boys, I still don't have one. I have seen some cuter boys here, but none of them I would actually go after or try to date. There is a cute boy at Blockbuster, but he's kinda "ghetto."  I dunno. Well, I gotta go for now. The girls and I are gonna go get some lunch and then head up to class. I've got more to say, but no time right now, so... *PeAcE oUt HoMiEs*

   Well, me and Justine did end up going out Thursday night. Actually, Brenda came out with us to, and we had a great time. We headed up to City View Towers and crashed some random parties with some random people. lol... We heard that you had to dress up to go to Bar Charlotte, so we decided not to go, but later that night, after we were all drunk, we walked down to the Bar and tried to get it, but they were already up to capacity, so... I ended up meeting a guy named Anthony. He hollered at me in his car and ended up pulling around to talk to me. I gave him my number, and he called me like 5 min. after I left him. He wanted us to go to a club with him, and we met up with them, but then we kinda ditched him. Him and his buddy were really drunk and they were acting weird, so we just left. Anthony called me at 5 that morning and was asking why I left him and was asking me if I'd come to his house...uh....no!  I think that's the last time I'm gonna talk to that boy. He was saying that he wanted to settle down and stuff, and he got the impression that I was a party girl... I'm not... I can be, but I'd be just as content with hanging out with my boyfriend, watching a movie.   Anyway, me and Justine are making it our mission to go out and find some guys. What about Kevin? I dunno... haven't talk to the boy in two days. He called me Thursday night and was wanting me to come to Marty's house to hear his band play, and I would've... but I was in Charlotte. That mother fucker calls way too late. It was like 9:30 at night... even if i was at home, I'd already have something to do by that time anyways!      I've thought about it, and I've decided to leave that alone. If he really wants to talk to me or see me, he knows where to find me.  He said something about him and his buddies going to Commerce last night, and he knew I was gonna be home, so he said he'd call if they went, and I haven't heard from him. It sucks, but it's ok... I did go home Friday afternoon... but I left Sat. afternoon... lol.  I went out to eat with Ben and then we hung out with Joc and I saw Josh S., Josh O., Nick, Kelly, and all my other parking lot peeps. I really felt like my parents could give a flying fuck if i was home or not, so I peaced out this afternoon. They kinda make me feel unwated, in a sense... I don't know what it is. Anyway, me and the girls went out tonight. This time, Carrie came with us. It was fun. We all went to City View and got drunk, but I'm still boy-less.  This is scary... I hope I'm not like 25 and still single. I kinda want to be married by then.  Anyway, it's 3:40 in the morning, and I'm about to go to bed.  I have so much to do tomorrow, but i'll probably sleep the whole day away anyways! lol...  TTYL.

   So, I was supposed to go home today, but I decided not to. I may go home tomorrow, but I don't know. My parents are doing stuff, my sister is going out with her ex boyfriend, and all my friends are going to Nopi in Atlanta, so it's not looking like I'll have too much of anything to do. My friends want me to go to Nopi with them, but that's all the way in Atlanta, and I don't feel like dirving all the way down there, and I don't want to ride with someone because then if I was ready to leave and they weren't, I'd be stuck, and vise versa.  The only reason why I ever wanted to go home was because of Kevin, but I think I'm gonna leave that alone. I decided Monday night that I wasn't going to get in touch with him first, and that I was going to see if he'd try to talk to me.  I talked to him a little Monday during the day, but like I said, I decided Monday NIGHT that I wasn't gonna talk to him.  I didn't hear from him at all Tuesday. I was kind of upset about that, but there was nothing I could do about it. I figured that if he really wanted to talk to me, then he would. So anyway, Wed. rolled around, and me, Justine, and Ellie were sitting in Chik-fil-A eating lunch when I heard the infamous ringer... Usher's "Burn" was playing... Kevin's ring tone. I opened up my phone and saw that I got a text from him, but all it said was that he got his nipple pierced (what a "copy cat"  I pierced my nipple 1st!) JK. Anyway, we didn't talk about too much, and we sure as hell didn't talk about anything important. I got caught up in chatting with the girls that I lost track of time, and we were almost late to class... Kevin kept on with the texts, and at one point, I asked if he missed me yet. He said "A little bit. ;-) U miss me?" and i was like "well, im not gonna be shady, so yeah, i do" and that was the end of it for a while. We started texting again later, and somehow we started talking about what we "know".? (dont ask). Kevin was like "well, you know im strong, and I know you're smart with your college education" and i was like "yeah, but that's THE ONLY THING i know" then i said something like "I have no idea what you are thinking...ever... it's like a guessing game for me, and all I can do is assume, and when you assume, you make an ass outta u and me"  His reply to that was "LOL! Ha,ha! That was a good one. You really made me laugh for real, since you can't see me. Mama told me that a long time ago."    . . . . Clearly, he was trying to change the subject, either that, or he didn't know what to say. Then i was like "so what is it? what do u think of me, honestly, because I know we had talked about being casual a while back" and he goes "idk...i have fun with you" ... "i like u and i enjoy spending time with you"...  "im not ready to jump into a relationship if thats what you mean." ... Go figure! This is the kind of luck I have. Needless, to say, I was a little upset. I didn't cry or anything like that, but it is a little heart-wrentching.

   So, as you all may know, I went home this weekend. It felt really good to be home, and it especially felt really nice to see Kevin again. I headed down to Anderson as soon as class let out, and as soon as I got home, I jumped in the shower, and started towards Commerce, Ga. Kevin really wanted to take me to the drag strp in Commerce, but I had to get in the shower and unpack a little bit before I headed out, and by the time I was done, it'd be too late to go, so he drove down with his friend, and I met him there later. It was funny 'cause when I pulled up to the strip, the cop letting people in asked me if I was going to race. I guess he figured I would because I have a Mustang Convertible, but I didn't. Anyway, it took me a minute to find Kevin and all his buddies, but I eventually figured it out. When I pulled up, Kevin opened my door and extended his hand to help me out...I thought that was sweet... We hugged for a minute, but for some reason, it was kind of akward for me. I guess because I don't know what we are or how to act around him... I don't know. Anyway, we had fun. We watched a bunch of races, and Kevin's friends, Marty, Steven, and Chad all raced a few times. All Kevin's friends had their girlfriends and fiances with them, and one of them was like "Oh, so you're Kendyl... Kendyl and Kevin" lol... Yeah... Kendyl and Kevin... (??)  Anyway, Kevin and I left at about 10:30 to head back to his house. It was a kind of a long drive back, so I let Kevin drive my car because I had no idea how to get to his house from there.  When we got to his house, we drank a little, talked, and listened to some music. I really had to pee after a while, and Kevin is fixing his trailer up, so there was no running water, meaning that I had to pee in the woods! Now, I've peeed in the woods before, but that was when I went camping... it's a little different. I swear, I had to pee like 4 times w/in an hour or two... it was crazy! I lost my shoe at one time too. His grass is REALLY tall in the back because it's all woods, and I was on my way inside, the grass like wrapped around my leg and tugged on my shoe. No joke! I must've stood there for 10 min. trying to find my shoe with the little light from my cell phone. Finally, I went inside to get Kevin and dragged him out there with me. We found it eventually, but I did take a while... it was funny. After that, we went to bed. Of course we didn't fall asleep right away, but we tried because he had to work at 8 the next morning. I think we finally passed out at about 2 am.  Kevin brought the radio in the room and it played all night. I remember waking up at random times in the morning with certain songs playing, looking over at him, and thinking to myself how comfotable I felt. One time I woke up and "Wake Me Up When September Ends" was playing, and for some reason, my stomache was churning, and my heart was pounding. I kind of felt as if this was the last time I'd be with him, and I almost cried.   
   He set the alarm for about 7 in the morning, and I woke up when it went off. He got up, got dressed, and headed out the door for work. He gave me a hug and told me that I could stay as long as I wanted to. I ended up leaving sometime after 8. I made the bed for him and kinda cleaned up a little... I left him a note... it didn't say much of anything.  I got home at about 9 or so, and I had a lot of laundry to do, so I started  that. Kevin texted me a few min. after I got home, telling me to "watch out for that mean grass" when I leave, and i texted him back telling him that I had already left and that I made it out ok.   We had talked about spending time together Sat. night too, but we never did. I was really bummed. I ended up hanging out with my parking lot buddies in Anderson. We all went to the movies, but Josh insisted on paying for my ticket. It was weird. Josh is Ashley's ex bf and she's still stuck on him, so I don't want to do ANYTHING to make her mad at me... I don't like Josh like that, but I think he may feel for me. It's too long of a story to go into right now, but just trust me on this one.  Anyway, Sunday I was feeling sick all day. I slept pretty much the entire day... mom wanted me to go to church with her, but she suggested that I stay home b/c of how sick I was feeling. I think i slept till about 4 that afternoon, off and on. I talked to Kevin a little too. He was kinda worried that I may be pregnant when I told him that I was sick, but I know that's not it. He asked me to text him when I started going back to school, and then when I got here. I did.. I left at 5 and got here at 7, but all he really said was "glad u made it ok" and that's it.  Allie didn't get back to school till later that night. I ended up going to get something to eat, and then I sat in the quad for a while. I met a few new people...a couple of girls that seem really cool... we are all going to work out one day and go to Bar Charlotte. They wanted to go to the bar Thursday night, but I may be going home, so I don't know.   I was really sad when I got back here. I think I'm more confused than anything. I have no idea what Kevin thinks or what he tells his friends or how he feels, and that really, really bothers me. I don't smoke all the time (maybe one every once in a while or when I'm drinking), but no lie, I smoked 5 ciggs. in the quad that night...  I'm starting to trip... If I text Kevin and he doesn't text me back for a while, I get worried or I feel as if he doesn't want to talk to me... I hate this! I don't know how to read him, and in the past when I've tried to find out, I've "tripped" and it made him feel uneasy. I'm "trippin" now, and I don't know what to do about it. When I 1st left to come here, I was upset at the fact that I was finally starting to like Kevin, and then I was leaving, but I was cool about it... I wasn't stressin over not seeing him or talking to him... I figured that If I talked to him, then I talked to him, but if I didn't, then it was no big deal, but now it's all so different.  Guys can do and say things but not mean them, but girls can't. Yeah, they may try, but some kind of emotional connection is gonna happen whether you want it to or not..that's just the way we are... it's been scientifically proven, but this is what scares me. I mean everything I say and do, but does he? If I don't call him or text him one day, will he call/text me? Does he care? What's he thinking? What does he tell his friends about me? What does he think we are? Or does he think we are anything? Stuff like this runs through my head.  As much as I don't want to, I'm thinking about giving up on him. He's really confusing, or maybe I'm just making things too complicated, but I read this book called "He's Just Not That Into You," and in that book, it says that if a guy is too confusing and you have no idea what's going on, then he's just not that into you because if he really was into you, he'd let you know. That's true to a sense, but that book makes everything out to be so black and white, but not all things are that definate and blunt. People are different...they express themselves differently, and you have to take that into consideration when you read a book like that.   I don'tknow. I wish I did, but I don't. I think I'm just gonna try to play it cool for a while and see how it goes, but that's def. easier said than done.  I guess I'll just have to see what happens. I don't even know why I like Kevin so much. He's diff. than what I'm used to. He's not affectionate and he's not open, and I LOVE affection, and I LOVE to talk about things he doesn't seem to want to talk about. He does show some affection sometimes, but other times, he doesn't. I don't know what the deal is.  Although, when we are with his friends, he's the same way with them as he is when it's just him and me, so that's a plus.    Well, im gonna go fow now. Ill try to keep this thing updated as much as I can...   *Peace*

   Well, my 1st week of college has come and gone. I know I sounded a little bummed the 1st couple of days, but I swear, as soon as I was done writing my last entry, Allie REALLY warmed up. Her and I went shopping for our room... we bought like 3 different rugs, and we went grocery shopping... we had fun. We also went to the gym one day... lol... that was interesting... this nasty, old woman was standing in girl's locker room butt ass naked! It was totally gross!! Anyway, my classes got switched, so now I have academics instead of labs. I was kinda pissed at 1st because I knew some ppl. in my labs class, but it all worked out for the better. The school ended up paying for ALL my books b/c it was an inconvienece for me...they saved me AT LEAST 400 bucks!! I do have to go shopping with that money, though... You have to dress "professionally" here... no jeans, no denim, no flip flops... it's crazy, but it makes you feel more professional, and I think that's the point of it... this IS a business school...
   Anyway, I'm going home this weekend!! YAY!! I'm def. not home sick; it's more like "Kevin sick." Again, after I wrote my last entry about how I haven't talked to him, he texted me. We have been talking a lot lately... At least once a day! I love it!! It's weird... we seem to talk more now than when we did when I lived in Anderson. That Monday before I left was the day that all my feelings for him hit me... maybe that's what happened with him too? I'm not quite sure. We have this joke between us about how I'm gonna get him out of Hartwell... we were talking and he was like "you're doing really well, kendyl. i'm in the same town i was born and raise in, but you're really doing great. I'll be out one day" and i was like "well, don't worry about it... ill get you out." Then i tiold him that I had to let him go so i could jump in the shower and get to class, and he was like "well, do good cuz I'm counting on you to get us out of here." and i was like "I will. i promise."   :-D   He's been saying little things like that to make me think that maybe he DOES like me, and maybe he will want to be with me? It's confusing. I told him yest. that I was doing well in my classes and he was like "good. I've been working on OUR house some too, so i guess we will make it...." He said "our" house... odd... I mean, I know he likes me, I just don't know how much or if it's enough to want to be monogomous or to try to make a long distance thing work.   Other guys up here have been talking to me... one guy walked me to my room, but I just keep thinking about Kevin. Its sucks...Kevin isn't very expressive with how he feels, so it's not like he'll just come out and say something. I told him that I kinda missed him, and he was like "yeah, I know the what you mean."     I guess I was so excited to see him that I couldn't sleep last night, so I texted him to see if he was awake, and he told me that he was at his buddy, Marty's, house and told me that Marty's in a band and that I was gonna hear them play one day and bla bla bla... he called me sweetheart   :D    I know Marty... We went to his sister's house that Monday before I left, and apparently Marty knows all about me... another sign that Kevin likes me.   Let me tell you something, not only is Kevin totally HOT, but he's also really sweet... he's built, and he is just so nice... he could get any girl, but he keeps talking to me. He calls me to come hang out with him, and if he was just looking for a piece off ass, he could find, no problem. I actually told him this one time, and he said "yeah, but I know you, and I don't want to do that"       When we would talk before, it was never like this. We'd text occasionally to the other when we were bored, but it's different now... at least I think it is... at least I hope it is.  *sigh*   I guess we will see what happens this weekend.  I'm excited!!
   On another note, I have been on my period ever since last Friday... a whole flippin' WEEK!! It NEVER lasts this long... and it was getting light, but now it's hard core! I hate this!! I don't want to deal with this when I go home!! I did start "the pill" a few days ago... mom said that that might be the reason I'm still on it. Allie told me that her friend started the pill and had her period for a whole month!! That's insane!! This thing better quit!! Anyway, I think I'm gonna go finish packing, then head to class to finally be able to go home.  TTYL!!  *Peace*

   So, I've been up here since Sat., and I'm starting to feel totally moved in. I still have some things to do to get settled, but I'm pretty much there for the most part. Move in day was the longest day ever! There was so much more to do than to just move my stuff in... it took ALLL day!! My parents didn't end up leaving til 10:30 at night, and then on top of that, their car wouldn't start, so they had to take mine. They came up Sunday to give me my car back, and they may be coming up today to pick their car up.
   College is def. not what I expected it to be. I thought it was  going to be really fun, and the best experience ever, but I'm not really feeling it right now. I lucked out and only have 1 room mate, but that's also a huge disadvantage because she's the only one here with me, and all she does is mope around. She made the biggest mistake she could and came up to college with a boyfriend back at home. She cries sometimes, and she doesn't really talk. Don't get me wrong, she's nice, but her mind set isn't here, and she's kind of a dud! I'm a pretty loud girl.. I like to talk, and I like to go out...she doesn't. It sucks!! We did walk around Charlotte last night for a while, but we must've said three words to eachother. I'm hoping she'll get over this and warm up a bit... I want to meet ppl. and do things, and she'll be even more lonely if I meet other ppl, and she gets left in the dorm all the time. She's gonna be going home every weekend, which would def. be a good thing cuz then I could have visitors. Significant others and guest are allowed to spend the night Friday and Sat. nights... I'm hoping Kevin will come to see me for real.  I've been thinking about him a little bit, but I think it's just because I'm lonely. I haven't talk to him since I've been here. I called him the day before yesterday, but just got his voice mail, and he never called me back.  I texted him a min ago... "I'm lonely ='( " is what it said... maybe he'll text me later? I doubt it... It's weird... I didn't even cry when my parents left... today is the 1st time I've ever cried since I've been up here.
   Anyway, this guy David I have talked to on Facebook has askd me to come hang out with him and some other people. We had a hypnotist at the campus yesterday, and David came at 8, but I didn't get there till later. David has is own apartment, so he usually hangs out up there. He drinks...which is awesome cuz I'm wanting a drinkin buddy! I still have yet to see him in person... I've only seen his pic, and he's only seen mine. There's a campus bar-b-q today at 12, so maybe I'll see him there? I probably won't recognize him even if I did see him, but you never know.    
   I haven't really talked to too many people back at home. Me and Kevin2 talk on the internet sometimes, and even though I don't like him like that, he's still cool to talk to. I told him last night that I'm bored, and he gave me the whole "give it time" speech. I know I need to give it time...but I don't want to give it time... I want things to be great RIGHT NOW! I'm hoping to meet my soul mate here, and even though it's only been a few days, I was hoping I'd meet some1 I was interested in on day one... Yeah, that def. didn't happen!!  Anyway, I don't think I talked about Josh Shaw before, but Josh used to date my friend, Ashley, until she broke up with him to date his friend, Brandon, and then she ended up getting pregnant with Brandon's baby.  ...Yeah... Josh was heart-broken, but when Ashley realized that she had made a mistake, she went back to Josh, and he took her back, but then realized that he couldn't handle all the baggage, so broke up with her. Anyway... I met Josh through my friend, Jarrad, back in Anderson. Jarrad hangs out in parking lots, and so does Josh Shaw, Josh Owens, Mel, Wes, Clay, and a whole bunch of other people. I was never a parking lot girl, but when me and Keri met Jarrad, we become parking lot girls..   So anyway, one night I was riding around and Josh O. came up to me and told me that Josh S. wanted me to come over to the lot... I went, and we all hung out for a while. Josh was flirting like all get out... he took my keys from me, and drove around in my car. He only went a little ways and then came back, and I was like "you're already in it, you might as well take it for a drive" and he told me to hop in, so i did. Anyway, later that night we all went to Jolly's house, but i was the only girl there. Well, they asked me to hang out the next night, so me and Keri went over there when she came home for the weekend. I said bye to all of them cuz that was my last night in Anderson, and we said we would all hang out when I came home one weekend. Well, Sat. night me and my parents were eating at Frankie's and Josh S. called me. He asked Josh O. for my number, and just called to see if i made it up ok. I thought that was pretty sweet... a little weird, but sweet. He told me to call him up when I'm in town, and I said I would... He's actually going to New Orleans today help out with the hurricane mess for Sam's Club where he works. I called him a little bit ago to wish him luck... its CRAZY over there! I don't think I would want to go and deal with all that chaos, but he is, so... I dunno. 
     Well, anyway... I think I'm gonna go for now. Gotta get ready for the bar-b-q.   *Peace Out Homies!*

   So, tonight was my last night in Anderson... I mean, I'm def. gonna be coming back, but you know what I mean. I'm such a baby... I cried when I left work for the last day. I'll probably go back sometime, but I don't know...Barry, our general manger, came up and hugged me and thanked me for doing a good job, and my eyes just started tearing up. I'm really emotional... I absolutely HATE saying good-bye...    
   I saw Justin tonight. I haven't seen him in a while, so I went up to his work to say bye to him. Again, I started crying the second I saw him. What a baby... 
   Keri came home this weekend, and of course, we hung out. At first, me, Ben, Joc, and Ian were up at the Westside game, but then we left, and as soon as Keri got ready, we all hung out for a few, said bye, then me and Keri went to my friend, Jolly's house. We only stayed at Jolly's for few... we HAD to take our usual ride to Fair Play, or it just wouldn't be a typical night for us!
   I talked to Kevin1 yesterday. It doesn't feel right calling him Kevin1, so when I just say "Kevin," I mean him... Anyway, I asked him if he wanted to hang out with me and my friends tonight before I left, but it was his buddies b-day and they had already made plans. I called him today, and got his voice mail... I left him a message, and to my surprise, he called me a few min. ago. We talked for a while... probably wasn't a good idea cuz after I got off the phone with him, I started up the tear factory again. He is so sweet! He really wants to keep in touch, and it really sucks because he wanted me to come to his friend's house tonight with him, but when I told him about my lil get together, he figured I didn't want to go. We had talked about it Monday, but nothing was set in stone, and I feel bad because he kinda thought I didn't want to see him tonight because I made plans with my friends, but I DID want to see him... I thought he didn't want to see me.  We talked for a while. He really wants to come up to Charolette to see me. He said that I'm gonna forget all about him because I mentioned the fact that I've already been invited to 2 parties, and I'm not even up there yet, but I don't think I'll ever forget about him... I may not want him anymore, and he may not want me... it works both ways. It's good that I'm leaving with things up in the air. We aren't together and we aren't serious, so the only way things can go is up. I'm gonna miss him a lot. It really sucks for me because, like I said before, I didn't like him from the get-go, and now I do... bad timing... and bad timing is the WORST thing to deal with!! I told him the deal tho... I was like "I'm gonna be honest with you, I really wasn't sure about you in the beg. and now I like you, and I'm leaving, and it sucks" and he was like "Yeah, it does... you better not be trippin" lol... he talks ghetto, but he's not.  I'm bringing a pic of him with me, and I'm gonna put it up on my wall with all the other ones.   Anyway, I really need to be getting to bed. I have a long day tomorrow...     *Peace*

   I don't remember if I talked about Derek before... I think I have...the wrestler from AC that I randomly met one night? Well, anyway, after the night me and him hung out, I didn't really hear from him too much. I knew he had a girl he "talked" to, but it didn't matter to me because I had guys that I "talked" to as well. Well, then come to find out, the girl he "talked" to was indeed his girlfriend. Him and her were having problems, and it was the kind of thing where they were broken up, but then again, they weren't... I didn't know this 'till later, but anyway... He called me today, outta the clear blue. He lives right across the hall from my friend, JD, and they were talking one day and some how brought up the subject of me, and realized that they both knew me. JD really likes me, and has for a while, but I don't look at him in that light... I saw JD up at Ruby Tuesday one night with some of his room mates and this is when I found out that Derek lived across the hall from him. Back to my story, Derek called me today... It was kind of weird because I haven't talked to him in a while, and then he just randomly calls me... this happens more than you think. Well, I understand his situation, and I wasn't mad at him by any means, so when he asked to hang out today, I said I would. I met him up at his dorm and then we went to his brother's house. We talked about some things , and come to find out, his girlfriend and him have broken up, but he still misses her. He didn't want to admit to it, but I'm a girl...I have intuition... I know these things...and after a while, I finally got it outta him. It's kind of sweet because he comes across as this bad boy who doesn't care about anything, but deep down, he's hurting over his ex, and I don't blame him. I told him that I'd be worried if he didn't care about her still  because it's kind of fresh, and they dated for a long time, so it shows that he can have feelings for a girl, and that he can be faithful. He was like "it would figure that once we get talking again, you leave" but he said he wanted to keep in touch. We got eachother's screen names, and we have eachother's number, so I guess it's plausable, but not likely, you know? I'm not really sure what to think about him right now... We'll see. He wants me to come hang out with him and his buddies tomorrow night... we'll see.  Anyway, I guess I'm done for now. I really need to start packing, but I'm a last minute kinda girl, and this is def. gonna be a last minute kinda thing!  *PeAcE*

   So, I'm moving in on Sat. to Johnson & Wales University (JWU), and I'm excited, but then again, I'm not. Grandid, that's totally normal, but still. I wanted to be completely pysched to go... no regrets or anything... but it doesn't look like that's gonna happen. I was really, really ready to go; now I'm not so sure. Don't get me wrong, I do want to go, but part of me doesn't want to leave my family (even tho I know I can pretty much see them whenever I want to), and part of me def. doesn't want to leave Kevin. This sucks! I knew it would happen! I would get excited about a guy, and then I'll have to leave. I don't know what it is about him now... I never used to like him like this, but at the time I had Rich. on the brain, so that's probably what it was.   Kevin and I hung out last night. He texted me early in the day to ask if I wanted to go jet skiiing, but with the hurricane and all, we were expecting rain. Then he was like "Well, I'm going to a buddy's house to watch UFC, do you want to come?" ... I sort of already had plans with Nick, but it wasn't for sure, and I didn't want to rule out any options, so I told him I would let him know. Nick was supposed to call me at like 7 or 7:30, but at like 7:34, Kevin texted me again and asked what I was doing, and I just told him that I'd go with him bc I hadn't heard from Nick. Well, the second I told Kevin I'd hang out with him, Nick beeped thru.. go figure! I lied to Nick and told him that I didn't get his message till 8:10, and that I had already told my Aunt Krissi that I'd go see her before I left for college... :-\  I really do have an Aunt that lives in Ga, so part of my story wasn't a lie... I did tell Nick that I was going to Ga. - I just didn't tell him who I was going to see.  Anyway, I was gonna meet Kevin somewhere in Ga so he could take me to his friend's house, and I ended up getting lost a little bit... Men think they know how to give directions, but they don't... Anyway, we met up and we ended up going to his house bc he wanted to get something, and his dad is a farmer, so the grass is really high right now in the field bc he has to cut it to make hay (Kevin's parents live in a house, and then he lives in a mobile home in their huge field). Anyway, I was wearing flip flops, and the grass was wet, so when I got back in his truck, I had grass pieces ALL OVER my feet! He didn't have a towl in his truck and it started to rain and we didn't want to get wet, so we just waited till we got to his friend's house.... but on the way to his friends house, we passed by his bro. and his bro's girlfriend... Kevin was like "Im gonna pull over and let you meet my brother real quick" and i was like "...ok..."  So, I met his brother and we talked for a few, and then we finally headed to his friend's house; there were 3 ppl. there: Marty (Kev's friend), Marty's sister, Teresa, and Teresa's boyfriend, Seth. They were all a lot older than me and Kev... he's 19 and im 18, and the rest were like 26 up. They were really cool, though. I had a lot of fun. Me and Kevin sat on the love seat and he put his arm around me. At one point and time, I had my hand on his thigh, and he put his hand over mine and like grabbed it... It was so CUTE!! The UFC thing was over at like 12 and me and Kevin ended up riding out and havin some fun in the backseat of my Mustang! LoL!! It was GREAT!! I know I'm probably reading WAAAY too much into his actions because at one point and time, we made it known that we weren't gonna date; we were just gonna be "casual," but the more I see him and talk to him, I want to be wit him. He does and says things that you shouldn't be said if you're wanting to be casual. Like, last night, when he wanted me to meet his brother... There's was also an instance where Marty was talking about cooking, and I was like "I can cook" and he was like "Yeah, I know. I heard all about that."  So, Kevin HAD to have been talking about me... he didn't HAVE to hold my hand and he didn't HAVE to put his arm around me, but he did, so that makes me question what he's thinking. I dunno! I don't need to like him!! But I do!! DAMN!!   Kevin kept talking about me going to Charolette... He swears he's gonna come visit me... and why would you drvie 2 and a 1/2 hours to visit a "friend," you know? Clearly, he hasn't done it yet, and I seriously doubt he will, but he was like "You're gonna call me when you're up there, aren't you?"   I wish I knew what was going on! I haven't talked to him today, and I don't know if I should... I honestly don't know anything when it comes to him. Him and his friends all talked about me going clubbin with them this weekend...well, this Friday, so we'll see. *sigh* This is the kind of luck I have... I finally like some1 and I'm leaving! Goh, it's almost enough to make me cry!!   Well, till next time... Im out!